Yesterday was not bad enough to be rated "crappy" or even "bad", but there were a whole series of stupid and annoying events that occurred. Allow me to bore you with them. Hey, nobody forced you to come here. Besides, one man’s litany of inane and trivial woes is another man’s momentary amusement through schadenfreude.

Ever have one of those toast-falls-butter-side-down sort of days? I guess I was due for one. Yesterday I did the following:

• Woke up tired, accidentally brushed the toothbrush up against a cake of soap. Blech.
• While brushing, noticed that yesterday’s enormous zit/boil/mutant appendage that had been forming for a week on the end of my nose is no longer swollen and painful, but instead has replaced itself with an equally enormous painful, dark, and much more noticeable scab.
• Still in a stupor, spilled soup on my pants while packing my lunch.
• Attempted to fumble through the act of taking off said pants too quickly, fell over while standing up on one leg. Knocked thick skull on jamb of bathroom door.
• Finally got out the door and down the road, but the stupid CD changer in the car refused to play any of my custom mix CDs, instead accepting only the two B-52’s discs that I played to death last week.
• While driving, idly scratched an itch on the end of my nose, carelessly tearing off half of the enormous scab. The next few miles and several pieces of tissue are spent alternately blotting the end of my bleeding nose and dabbing at my right eye, which spontaneously watered up from the pain.
• Got to work and realized that I was a week overdue on writing a set of technical documents.
• Opened up the source material for the technical documents, finding, to my horror, that they were completely fucked up, having been left behind by another technical writer who had fled after only a couple of weeks on the job. Spent hours making them readable.
• Discovered that said fucked-up source material had inadvertently already been published on our website for public consumption. Began flapping pasty white arms like a panicked chicken, loudly demanding to everyone and noone that the documents get yanked, to little initial effect. Colleagues whispered and pointed in my direction, giving each other knowing looks.
• Attempted to regain sanity by creating Uncyclopedia articles on dystopia, foreskins, and Middlesex. Amused self briefly with short articles, but failed to restore sanity.
• Got halfway through soup before realizing that the funny taste was not from some weird chemical interaction with mouthwash; instead, it was actually due to the fact that it had started to turn rancid. Yuck.
• Missed mandatory company quarterly meeting by looking at a map view too zoomed-out to provide accurate information, and ended up in a neighboring city before I realized I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. With the map back at the desk and not in the car, I turned back and went to the office, penning an apologetic explanation to The Man. Ominously, there was no response to this message.
• Recieved paper cut. God damn, those hurt. Left for home.
• Woke up in just enough time to hit the brakes, swerve, and not slam into the driver ahead of me, avoiding fatal injuries and a hell of a traffic jam .
• In a sudden rush of lucidity due to immediately preceding activity of adrenal gland, realized that the map actually did show the proper information, and I had handed my boss a total line of bullshit, no matter how much I might have believed it at the time.
• Spent the rest of the commute with the shakes, coming down from the adrenaline rush and the whole "ohfuckthisisitI’mgoingtodie" routine.

Mercifully, the trend ended when I got home, but Jeezus, what a lame day.