One of my colleagues recently pointed out that my estimate of a volume of 27mm³ seemed a bit… beefy for an aphid. This just goes to show what a colossal waste of money both our corporate salaries are, but I had to admit that aphids might not actuallly occupy that much space, since they are not, of course, shaped like little cubes.

In order to satisfy the rigorous scientific review process of our cube farm, I set out to determine their true volume. Being pear-shaped, aphids are what mathematicians refer to as an "irregular" object. In layman’s terms, this translates roughly to "how the hell am I supposed to figure this out?".

I finally decided to rely on a problem-solving method that I have used for years in my mathematical efforts. It’s called "fuck it". I had no idea that three posts in a row would be devoted to these horrible little insects, and I have no clue as to how to properly calculate how much physical space the average one infests. My best guess is that the true volume of an aphid is anywhere from 12-20mm³, so you’d have to gulp down at least a tablespoon of the loathsome things, which I think we can all agree is at least one tablespoon too much.