There is good news to report from home. Loki no longer renders large portions of the house uninhabitable with his awful ordure. It seems that the cheap-ass cat food we’d been feeding him was the culprit. His new diet, which features food of a much higher quality, yields acceptable results. Those results are still as disagreeable as any fecal matter, but now they’re bearable.

The guy is still a bag of gas, though. Seriously, he farts for any and no reason. Particularly annoying is his habit of emitting fumes when he’s relaxed. He relaxes more muscles than are considered socially acceptable. Like when he’s on your lap and you’re petting him, or when he clambers up onto the bedspread at midnight and sits on your chest. “Awww, good kitty.” *pfweeee!* “Argh! What are we feeding you, sauerkraut burritos?” Such is my life, filled with cat farts.

He does have endearing qualities. One is his amazingly gentle nature. Another is his unbelievable clumsiness. This cat has been repeatedly observed falling over while grooming. He falls off of tables, beds, chairs, anything. It’s a wonder he doesn’t trip over himself walking down the hall. A light two-finger push is enough to send him rolling. His clumsiness is accompanied by… well, understand I don’t want to sound mean, but it’s accompanied by stupidity.

On the one hand, the stupidity holds him in good stead. He runs headlong into things and falls off couches without even realizing it. One of our other cats hisses bloody death at him and swats his face, and he doesn’t even react. We’re not even sure he understands the gesture. Several times, while indulging in that most male of luxuries, urinating while standing up, I’ve had to quickly tug it over to one side to avoid pissing on his little head because he just can’t understand—unlike the other cats—that the Porcelain Bus is a no-no zone. (Yes, I know, “you should close the door, blah blah blah”, I do, but the latch doesn’t always engage, and he pushes the door open, much to my consternation.)

So he’s basically turned out to be a lovable dope. With gas.