The Summer We 69ed

You were my first real girlfriend,
Got you drunk on screw-top wine,
I was lookin’ to get lucky,
It was the summer we 69ed.

I really had no clue
couldn’t open that goddamned bra
after half an hour of fumbling,
I think I rubbed both your nipples raw.

Then came a howl of pain,
I thought my unit would be severed,
chewed by my zipper’s teeth,
the scar will prob’ly last forever:

That was the worst night of my life.

Spittin’ out those dark n’ curlies,
My lips and tongue were gettin? numb,
I’d no idea what I was doing,
What was that? Did you just come?

No, I couldn’t get you off;
I thought that you would take forever.
I couldn’t find your clit,
No, I wasn’t half that clever.

Must have been the worst lay of your life.

It was the summer we 69ed.

When we were hookin’ up,
We were unprotected,
doin’ the bump n’ grind.
I never said I would last forever,
Forever, no.

And now I’m dating Rosie,
No one else will touch my prong.
Every time I reach for the Kleenex,
Think about you, wonder what went wrong.

Pettin’ in your dad’s old car
that smelled like gin and moldy leather,
Who would have ever guessed
Your braces would lock together?

That was the worst night of my life.

It was the summer we 69ed.