On the way home, after a round of unparalleled fun in the dentist’s chair, I remembered I needed to get some milk. And mouthwash. And a floss holder. Hey! A box of stuffing mix to go with the chicken I cooked the other day, too. Oh, and some peanut butter. Hmm, the tomatoes look good, maybe I’ll—you get the idea. I always go to the store for one or two things and end up with a full shopping cart.

But this tale is not actually about my poor impulse control. This is about unbelievable human sloth, indifference and torpor.

This is about what I found when I left the store.

What kind of lazy fucking retard can’t push his goddamned cart another ten feet to the cart corral? And how about the one just behind, about five feet away? Whoever you are, unknown shoppers, I would like you to know that you suck.