Last night I went out to purchase a pair of dress shoes, so that I could pretend to be put-together for a family function this weekend. (A fool’s errand, I know, but that’s not germane to the story). Eventually I stumbled into Macy’s and found their shoe department.

The clerk informed me they didn’t have my first choice in the correct size, so I went back to the displays to find another style. I found this.

Note that this image is in no way distorted. No fish-eye filter was used on the cell phone camera, no photoshoppery applied to the image file.

What kind of foppish idiot would wear such a thing?