Yesterday I began attacking the very last of the wallpaper left behind by the previous owners of our house. As the first piece came down, it revealed a pair of letters painted underneath: AN. The next piece was heavily glued, but a bit of determined scraping expanded the message to ANGELA. This seemed pretty normal as such things go, since it was the name of one of the previous owners.

“At least it doesn’t say ‘Helter Skelter’”, I flippantly remarked to my wife. As the rest of the piece came off the wall, though, it revealed an altogether unexpected message.

I’m praying hoping this is a lighthearted reference to a forgotten session of oral sex, not the heretofore concealed testimony of some cannibalistic murder victim.