Our office overlords recently decided to replace all our trashcans with mixed-paper recycling bins. “Mini-bins” (small, parasitic black objects that hang off the side of the blue recycling bins) are attached to them, in the event that non-recyclable objects are discarded. Mixed paper goes in the blue bin. Everything else goes in the black bin. Despite the fact that our office generates almost zero recyclable mixed-paper waste (which was already adequately handled by two large recycling bins that we will still retain), management smiled upon this idea, declaring it Green, and delivered unto us the Mini-Bin System.

It’s entirely superfluous and mildly irritating (we’ve now no waste bins that can handle larger things like to-go containers, pizza boxes, dead hookers, etc.), but very simple to use. Paper goes in the blue bin. Everything else goes in the black bin. Repeat.

Nonetheless, to compound the already unwarranted expenditure on these new bins, we all have to attend a training session on how to use them. The mandatory “invitation” was sent out yesterday, so we all considered it an April Fool’s joke until our supervisor informed us that yes, we were indeed compelled to submit to instruction on how to use a fucking trashcan. All this waste—time, money, materials—in the name of efficiency. Boggling.